Like the Exorcist, but with more break dancing.
The good thing about New Orleans’ French Quarter is that it’s about as close as you can get to visiting another country without leaving the US. The bad thing is, that country is France.
A post on Bourbon street and the rest of the French Quarter is forthcoming (as soon as our hangovers dissipate and our memories return) but we just could not wait to tell you about the two scariest things to hit New Orleans since Richard Simmons *
Speaking of horrible death and spiritual trauma, the French Quarter is famous for its creepy folkloric monsters like vampires, ghosts, drunken fratboys, and the Honey Island Swamp Monster.
*no joke, thats where he’s from.
It’s scarier if you whisper this part out loud.
HAUNTED HISTORY TOUR!!!!
Our first foray into the realms of the undead was the New Orleans “Haunted History” tour. This a walking tour that takes you around to eight or nine ectoplasmic spots such as hotels, private homes, and a bar. The tour guides seemed incredibly knowledgeable - one of them even had a British accent, which can’t get unless you’re an actor, some kind of paranormal scholar, or incredibly attractive to American women.
We didn’t see any ghosts, but we did get to hear some gruesome stories about tortured slaves, yellow fever, and Nicholas Cage. He owns a house in the French Quarter that his family only spent one night in, apparently the place is hella haunted by the spirits of the undead. These are the kind of shenanigans that’ll get you to name your kid Kal-el. The Tour is definitely worth going on and takes about two hours, including the trip to the haunted bar and its haunted bathrooms.
We’re giving the Haunted History Tour the finger three times because of its enthusiastic guides. We’re revoking one finger for making our beignet-stuffed asses walk around so much.
This time try saying it in a creepy outer space voice
THE PARAPLEX
The Paraplex is the world’s first 24 hour 7 day a week paranormal/psychic research and learning center. We decided to check out the place the day after it’s grand opening at about 1:00pm… Unfortunately the Paraplex isn’t actually open 24 hours a day…. TO THE LIVING!!!! The majority of its operating hours are focused on researching the spiritual activity that takes place within the building. The awesome/slightly creepy dudes who run the place let us in before operating hours to take a look around.
Yep… The Paraplex mansion is legitimately haunted, and rests next to one of the creepiest cemeteries we saw during our entire stay in the Big Easy (we’re assuming all that prime indian burial ground real estate had been bought up). The first and second floor of the building have displays that focus on psychic activity and even a working seance room! Just Like Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost!!
The best part of the Paraplex has got to be the basement, where they’ve built a haunted house / ghost simulator! Slow down and think about this for a second: A real Haunted House with a fake haunted house in its really haunted freaking basement (it’s like when they cook a chicken inside of a duck, inside of a turkey except not as scary).
The tickets are pretty pricey at twenty four big ones (unless you’re hella internet famous like the Kids at Awesome All Day), but it’s totally worth it to get a second job or sell your children and vital organs for admission because this is about as close as you can get to the “other side” without visiting your grandparents at the rest home.
We’re giving the Paraplex all four fingers because we’re too afraid to give them anything less.
January 27th, 2009 at 12:26 am
Dude, somehow that last photo will make its way into my nightmares tonight.
January 27th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Oh, how I miss New Orleans!
January 27th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
[...] The PARAPLEX - Check out our behind-the-scenes experience over at my traveling partner-in-crime’s blog, AwesomeAllDay.com [...]
January 28th, 2009 at 9:29 am
Fucking a man. You hit that place like hurricane. Ouch.
January 28th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
I’d love to see what the kids at Awesome All Day could do with Nashvegas. Or Graceland, for that matter…
January 29th, 2009 at 9:54 pm
Paraplex was a waste of money. Looked like a tax write off for Ann Rice.
February 2nd, 2009 at 9:05 pm
what in the name of amazing IS this????? It’s horrifying and I love it.
Also, where the fuck have I been (clearly, my couch) while you all were out being awesome all day??? nothing this lady loves more than men with beards doing awesome shit. thanks for adding the blog to the roll - I will return the favor.
keep being awesome and I will keep not getting off my couch.
(ps - if you like the Exorcist, please check out my life’s masterpiece: http://tvismyboyfriend.blogspot.com/2008/11/i-am-awesome.html )
February 4th, 2009 at 3:04 am
The Paraplex was amazing - all day long!!
February 5th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
The Paraplexxx was cool! I felt the sensation of a cute little Puerto-Rican ghost named Manuel ever so gently fondling my balls in the Seance room. I had a woody throughout the entire experience!